When Faith Becomes Fear: Spotting Spiritual Abuse - Pagan Alliance of the Lowcountry

By Tyler McLeod

A recent interview aired by CNN with Doug Wilson, a self-ordained pastor leading the Communion of Reformed Evangelical Churches, has gone viral (CNN, 2025). In the interview, Wilson discussed his vision of the United States as a Christian theocracy, raising concerns about the exclusion and suppression of non-Christian citizens. He advocates for a patriarchal societal structure, taking gender roles and human rights back to the pre-Civil War era (Simon, 2025). Although these extreme views are deeply unsettling, even frightening, to many, they are increasingly infiltrating mainstream church congregations and gaining traction. His teachings beg the question - when does religious guidance and leadership cross the line into spiritual abuse?

As conversations around spiritual abuse intensify, survivors are stepping forward to expose how religious authority can be weaponized to justify control, silence dissent, and enable harm. Tia Levings, a former fundamentalist church member, narrowly escaped church-sanctioned domestic violence, fleeing her home and husband in the middle of the night with nothing but her kids in the car seats and the clothes on her back. “The church sanctioned my suffering. They were on his side,” she wrote in her 2024 memoir, “A Well-Trained Wife”. “As much as I wanted to be a woman who found comfort in her faith, my faith continued to hurt me and hold me there.”

In a tragic case closer to home, Mica Miller took her own life in 2024 after enduring years of alleged emotional and physical abuse at the hands of her husband, John Paul Miller, pastor of Solid Rock Church in Myrtle Beach. John Paul met Mica when she was just 15 years old (while he was already married with children), and as she grew older, he leveraged his role as a pastor to manipulate and control her, using his position to justify his abusive behavior (ABC11, 2024).

While modern Pagan and polytheist communities are known for our progressive and inclusive communities, we aren’t immune to spiritual abuse. In 2019, four priests and one initiate resigned from Ár nDraíocht Féin: A Druid Fellowship amidst allegations of sexism, racism, nepotism, while the founder of the group was posthumously accused of sexual abuse (The Wild Hunt, 2019). Recently, the Coru Priesthood reported an incident where an individual was threatening their members by claiming to speak directly for the Morrigan (Coru Priesthood, 2025).

The truth is that spiritual abuse can happen in any spiritual community, and talking about it can break the cycle. Let’s shine a light on the dark side of spiritual control and start the conversation.

What is spiritual abuse, and how can I recognize it?Spiritual abuse is a form of abuse characterized by “manipulation and exploitation, enforced accountability, censorship of decision making, requirements for secrecy and silence, coercion to conform, control through the use of sacred texts or teaching, requirement of obedience to the abuser, the suggestion that the abuser has a ‘divine’ position, isolation as a means of punishment, and superiority and elitism” (Oakley et al, 2018).

Red flags for spiritual abuse include:

Shaming or belittling you for having differing beliefs or for failing to conform to their views.
Isolating you from people who hold different perspectives.
Demanding complete, unquestioning submission, particularly when you feel unable or unwilling to consent.
Using spiritual threats as a means of coercion or manipulation.
Claiming exclusive access to the divine, insisting that you must go through them to communicate with a deity, and often asserting they speak directly on the deity’s behalf.
Controlling your personal choices, including where you work, where you travel, and who you’re "permitted" to form relationships with.
Financial exploitation, requiring large sums of money to remain in the group or continue as a member/student.
Threats of excommunication if you don’t comply.

A spiritual leader should never be:

Physically abusive. They should not lay hands on you, nor should they condone others laying hands on you.
Sexually abusive. They should not make inappropriate sexual comments, engage in sexual harassment, or make sexual advances
Verbally abusive. They should not be overly critical without providing support or encouragement.

What do I do about it?

Talk about it! Spiritual abuse thrives in secrecy. Break the silence! Talk to a trusted leader, healthcare provider, or mental health professional. Tell your family, friends, and loved ones your concerns. And not just other people in the spiritual community - go outside the group to get a reality check.
Set boundaries. Say “no” - and see what happens. An appropriate spiritual leader will respect your views and continue the conversation without getting upset, and without threats or intimidation.
Do your research, and always verify for yourself. Controlling leaders and groups use fear to keep people in line. Research your questions and concerns for yourself, and don’t let them tell you what to be afraid of.

How does the Pagan Alliance of the Lowcountry protect its members against spiritual abuse? The Pagan Alliance of the Lowcountry (PAL) recognizes the autonomy of individuals to choose their own paths, and we commit to supporting them along their journeys. The leadership, comprising a group of the administrators and moderators, hold an “open door” policy and encourage members to speak up if they have concerns. While PAL offers events, classes, workshops, and teachers, these are always completely voluntary and there is no expectation or pressure to participate.

We require that every member who joins PAL agrees to a code of conduct, including the following rules specifically intended to protect against abuse:

Be kind and courteous
Respect everyone’s privacy and time
Absolutely no breaking the law
No hate speech or bullying
Only individuals who have attended an in-person event in the last six months may post a request to meet in-person

Breaking the rules may lead to dismissal from the group.

ConclusionSpiritual abuse can deeply affect a person’s sense of self, faith, and well-being. Recognizing the signs and understanding the dynamics at play are crucial steps toward healing and reclaiming personal power. While spiritual communities can offer profound support and connection, they should never be a source of control, fear, or harm. By fostering awareness and encouraging open dialogue, we can create safe spiritual spaces where everyone’s dignity and freedom are respected.

References

ABC11. (2024, June 6). Attorney urges passage of 'Mica's Law' after death of pastor's estranged wife. 24/7 Live. Retrieved August 16, 2025, from https://abc11.com/post/mica-miller-case-attorney-urges-passage-micas-law/14915721/CNN. (2025, August 12).

Extended CNN interview: Inside Doug Wilson's crusade for Christian domination in the age of Trump. YouTube. Retrieved August 16, 2025, from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qFeIO0ZjdF8Coru Priesthood. (2025, 3 June).

SPIRITUAL ABUSE IN THE PAGAN AND POLYTHEIST COMMUNITY. Corublog. https://www.corupriesthood.com/corublog-2-1/spiritual-abuse-in-the-pagan-and-polytheist-communityLevings, T. (2024).

A Well-Trained Wife: My Escape from Christian Patriarchy. St. Martin's Publishing Group.Oakley, L. (2018). (PDF) Spiritual abuse in Christian faith settings: definition, policy and practice guidance. ResearchGate. Retrieved August 16, 2025, from https://www.researchgate.net/publication/328358779_Spiritual_abuse_in_Christian_faith_settings_definition_policy_and_practice_guidanceSimon, J. (2025, August 9).

Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth reposts video of pastors saying women shouldn't vote. NPR. Retrieved August 16, 2025, from https://www.npr.org/2025/08/09/nx-s1-5497226/women-pastor-pete-hegseth-voteThe Wild Hunt. (2019, Nov 6).

Four ADF priests abruptly resign citing spiritual abuse, cronyism, sexism, and racism. The Wild Hunt: Pagan News and Perspectives. https://wildhunt.org/2019/11/four-adf-priests-abruptly-resign-citing-spiritual-abuse-cronyism-sexism-and-racism.html